Reunification/Conjoint Therapy
Reunification therapy facilitates therapeutic healing so that a new relationship between parent and child can grow. It is crucial for reunification therapy to be child-focused. In an ideal scenario, adults involved can and should work together as a team to prioritize the child(ren)’s well-being. This therapeutic intervention is an effective tool in changing family dynamics, establishing a bond between estranged parents and their kids, and creating a new co-parenting relationship
Choosing me for Reunification Counseling offers you the opportunity to embark on a transformative journey towards healing and reunification within your family. Here's why you should consider seeing me for Reunification Counseling:
1. Expertise in Family Dynamics: I specialize in understanding the complexities of family dynamics and the unique challenges faced during periods of separation or strained relationships. With my extensive knowledge and experience, I can guide you through the process of rebuilding trust, fostering communication, and nurturing healthy connections within your family.
2. Compassionate and Non-Judgmental Approach: I provide a safe and non-judgmental space where family members can express their feelings, concerns, and perspectives without fear of criticism. I approach Reunification Counseling with empathy and compassion, ensuring that everyone's voices are heard and respected throughout the healing process.
3. Tailored Strategies and Interventions: Every family is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to Reunification Counseling. I will work closely with you to develop personalized strategies and interventions that address the specific needs and dynamics of your family. Together, we will navigate the path towards reunification while considering the unique circumstances and challenges involved.
4. Effective Communication Skills: Rebuilding healthy communication is a vital aspect of reunification. I will help you develop effective communication skills, teaching you techniques to express emotions, listen actively, and resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. These skills will empower you to navigate difficult conversations and create a supportive environment for healing and growth.
5. Holistic Approach: Reunification is not just about resolving immediate conflicts; it is also about promoting long-term harmony and well-being within the family. I take a holistic approach that considers the emotional, psychological, and practical aspects of reunification. By addressing all dimensions, we can work towards sustainable and positive change within your family system.
6. Commitment to Success: I am dedicated to your family's success in the reunification process. I will be there to support and guide you every step of the way, providing encouragement, resources, and professional expertise. I am committed to helping you navigate the challenges, overcome obstacles, and ultimately achieve a stronger and healthier family unit.
Choosing me for Reunification Counseling means embarking on a transformative journey towards healing, rebuilding relationships, and creating a harmonious family environment. Together, we can navigate the complexities, nurture connection, and work towards a brighter future for your family.
Reunification therapy (RT) is often court-ordered for separated or divorced families, where there is a favored parent and a rejected parent. The goal of reunification therapy is to restore a disrupted parent-child relationship.
How is reunification therapy helpful for estranged relationships?
When a parent has left (regardless of the circumstances or reasons) a child may feel confused or hurt and may have abandonment issues.
In order for any estranged relationship to heal, the underlying feelings need to be identified and acknowledged. In other words, it takes a while for a child to trust a therapist enough to say “I feel sad that mom left. I feel like she left me, and that I did something wrong” or “I feel mad that dad left. I think he doesn’t love me enough to stick around” and/or anything else that may come up for that child. Once a child’s feelings and thoughts are identified in individual therapy, they can begin to work through them with their parent. If these feelings are not addressed, it is impossible to move forward. Think of a time when a person you loved and trusted made you feel incredibly hurt, mad, and sad over and over. Were you able to simply ignore this history and continue being close to them? Typically in relationships we need to feel heard, understood, and have our feelings validated by the person who wronged us in order to move forward. This is the process of reunification therapy. By understanding and admitting to their feelings, children can begin to communicate them. Kids need to communicate these difficult feelings to the parent who left in order to heal. The estranged parent needs to listen and be open and non-defensive for a period of time before telling their side of the story. After some time, it can be helpful to hear about the reasons a parent left, in order for the child to develop understanding and empathy. The ultimate goal is for both the parent and the child to feel heard and seen, and to create a new bond starting from a place of honesty, compassion, and empathy from the onset of reunification therapy.
Does reunification therapy guarantee time with my child?
Yes and no. While there is no pressure for a child to engage with a parent who is actively unsafe or unfit, reunification therapy is one particular program that does allow more and more access to children when parents are progressing in the program and doing well individually.
How does reunification therapy work?
When a child and parent are separated, for whatever reason, a child will probably feel some pretty strong feelings of abandonment. This is because kids are so self-focused and cannot hold perspective in the same way adults can (their frontal cortex, which is in charge of planning, oversight, future oriented tasks, and perspective is not developed). Even if a parent has good reasons for leaving, a child simply cannot understand them the same way an adult might. Therefore it is important that reunification therapy take place to ensure that the bond between child and parent can be repaired after it’s felt to have been severed. It is an important way for children to feel heard and get back on the right track with their estranged parent.
How is reunification therapy helpful for estranged relationships?
When a parent has left (regardless of the circumstances or reasons) a child may feel confused or hurt and may have abandonment issues.
In order for any estranged relationship to heal, the underlying feelings need to be identified and acknowledged. In other words, it takes a while for a child to trust a therapist enough to say “I feel sad that mom left. I feel like she left me, and that I did something wrong” or “I feel mad that dad left. I think he doesn’t love me enough to stick around” and/or anything else that may come up for that child. Once a child’s feelings and thoughts are identified in individual therapy, they can begin to work through them with their parent. If these feelings are not addressed, it is impossible to move forward. Think of a time when a person you loved and trusted made you feel incredibly hurt, mad, and sad over and over. Were you able to simply ignore this history and continue being close to them? Typically in relationships we need to feel heard, understood, and have our feelings validated by the person who wronged us in order to move forward.
This is the process of reunification therapy. By understanding and admitting to their feelings, children can begin to communicate them. Kids need to communicate these difficult feelings to the parent who left in order to heal. The estranged parent needs to listen and be open and non-defensive for a period of time before telling their side of the story.
After some time, it can be helpful to hear about the reasons a parent left, in order for the child to develop understanding and empathy.
The ultimate goal is for both the parent and the child to feel heard and seen, and to create a new bond starting from a place of honesty, compassion, and empathy from the onset of reunification therapy.
Reunification-Cost and Duration
Typically it takes 9-18 months for a family to complete all four phases in reunification therapy (depending on the severity of the case); the time taken for each phase may vary depending on how much needs to be processed and explored. Sessions typically cost between $150 and $300 each, depending on the therapist’s fees. Unlike other forms of therapy where patients pay at the end of each session, reunification therapists charge a retainer (usually 10 sessions at once) of which each parent pays a percentage as determined by the mediator or judge.
Why is reunification therapy court ordered?
Reunification therapy is court ordered to encourage families to get help. Often families who are thinking about reunification therapy have a harrowing past consisting of huge fights between parents, and are therefore very distrustful of one another. Reunification therapy takes control out of the parents’ hands, removing the influence of parents’ own biases about how their family got into this situation, and places it in the hands of a professional whose top priority is the child’s true best interest.
Judges and lawyers cannot determine the real story after meeting with families a few times; a therapist is able to take time to really listen to everyone, keeping in mind multiple perspectives, and ultimately center treatment around the core needs of the child(ren). Having a court order for reunification therapy also helps families commit to each step of the process, which will give them the best chance for lasting change.
Why is reunification therapy important?
When there has been an absent parent (no matter the reason or assigned blame) the outcome for the child is usually confusion, hurt, and a feeling of abandonment. The child has an incomplete history as to why the rift occurred, as well as a lack of understanding of the complications which led to them feeling abandoned. Reunification therapy is a safe space where they can connect to and explore those feelings and subsequently voice them to the parent who left. It is also a space where kids can challenge the narrative of what they have always “known.” History is messy, memory is messy, and it is important for any child’s growth and development to be able to see things from multiple perspectives, with compassion and understanding. That is the goal in reunification therapy for the child.
For the parent who has been away, reunification therapy is a meaningful space to feel heard and also to be coached on the best ways to reconnect with their child. Ultimately the goal is to establish a new loving and trusting relationship with their estranged child and for this to grow. In order to get there, parents usually need some help figuring out the best way to talk about the experience so that the child can feel heard and loved and move forward. Often parents want to jump back in as quickly as possible and make up for lost time, but this can be detrimental for some kids. Because so much control was taken from them (they didn’t choose their history, things feel unfair, their parent left at a time that was not in their control) they need to feel ownership in the process and reunification therapy needs to happen on their timeline for them to feel a real sense of control. This reduces anxiety during the process and allows a genuine relationship to flourish.
Have you ever been in a situation where you feel anxious? Think back to that time and imagine if you had the option of talking it over before facing it head-on. Imagine that you had control over the timeline of this anxiety-causing event, and you had full support going into it. Would that have helped? Even though reunification therapy is ultimately a happy event, it is still a change – changes is hard and provokes anxiety. Help your child with this by putting them in the driver’s seat.
Summary
Some professionals are turned off by the mention of parental alienation. Even though I believe this is a real phenomenon, mentioning it to judges can have a divisive impact on your case. It can be really helpful to do some inner work to better understand your own feelings and communicate those before mentioning parental alienation. How do you feel? Do you feel hopeless, shut out, scared, etc? Try naming some of these emotions in an honest and earnest way. Ultimately if reunification therapy has been court-ordered, you are on the right path to a new relationship with your child and the best thing to do is to move forward with honesty and integrity.
A PERSONAL NOTE FROM JESSICA “I believe in the power of family members to heal each other out of the love they have for each other. I am a catalyst as I help people in intimate relationships with each other to change each other and to achieve their goals and hopes. I will support you in uncovering your hidden strengths and talents, and I will encourage family members and/or partners to discover with each other new pathways to problem resolution.”
I am committed to the restoration of the severed relationship between a child and a fit parent who had been unjustifiably driven from the child’s life. I am further dedicated to facilitating a civil and respectful co-parenting relationship between the parents if both parents are prepared to go forward to act in the best interests of their child/children.
What You Should Know About Your Child's Prefrontal Cortex
How many times as parents have we thought, “they should know better…” or, “she shouldn’t be so upset over this right now.” I know as a parent who has had hundreds of hours of education and experience in human development and neuroscience, I still find myself baffled at times by my child’s lack of ability to manage big emotions or think about consequences before acting. Before I allow my own emotions to get out of control, I find it helpful to remind myself of the important role of the Pre-frontal Cortex, the largest and slowest part of our brain to develop, just what part of my child’s brain is really running the show, and what I need to do as a reasonable adult to help calm and co-regulate!
The pre-frontal cortex sits at the front of the brain, just behind the forehead and has been called the “third eye” of the brain, responsible for Executive Functions such as decision making, determining right/wrong, good/bad, linking actions to consequences, personality expression, planning of complex cognitive behavior and moderating social behaviors. This part of our brain is what separates us from all other animals.
As Dr. Dan Siegel explains in his book, The Whole Brain Child, we can think of our brain like a house with two stories. The first story is made up of our brain stem which controls our Sensorimotor functions (I’m hungry, thirsty, tired, cold, etc.), followed by the limbic system which regulates and houses emotional expression and then the second story, comprised of our prefrontal cortex, which is not fully developed until early to mid-twenties!
We would not ask our children to enter a two-story house under construction and climb to the top of stairs only to find there is no floor to stand on, yet figuratively, we ask this of our kids all the time as we try to rationalize, talk them out of their emotions, and work to get them to understand actions and consequences when they are in the midst of a full blown emotional crisis!